Every year on Stand Up To Cancer Day, we come together to raise awareness, funds, and hope in the face of cancer. And while much attention rightfully focuses on those living with the disease, there's another group that deserves recognition: cancer carers who stand shoulder-to-shoulder with their loved ones through every step of the journey.

When someone receives a cancer diagnosis, the ripple effects extend beyond the patient. As I know from personal experience, family members, friends, and loved ones suddenly find themselves thrust into a world of medical terminology, treatment schedules, and emotional upheaval that they never anticipated.

The carer's struggle is largely invisible. But they become navigators, advocates, comfort providers, and pillars of strength (often while grappling with their own fear and uncertainty). And while the patient receives medical care, attention, and support from NHS teams, carers often struggle in silence. They're the ones often coordinating appointments, managing medication, researching treatment options at 2 in the morning  and somehow finding the strength to offer reassurance when they themselves are terrified.

The many faces of caring for someone with cancer

Cancer carers come in all forms.

• There's the parent who advocates fiercely for their child while trying to maintain some semblance of normality for siblings.
• The partner who becomes a taxi service; a home nurse, learning to administer injections; or an expert in navigating the NHS system.
• The adult child who moves back home to help aging parents through treatment, or (in my case) the carer's carer having to offer emotional support to both parents simultaneously, treading a line between favouring one side over the other (much as my mum and dad did between me and my brother when we were children).
• The friend who shows up week after week, bringing meals and offering practical support.

Each carer's journey is unique. But common threads weave through their experiences: the overwhelming responsibility, the constant worry, the financial strain from lost income or additional expenses, and the physical and emotional exhaustion that comes with putting someone else's needs before your own for months, or even years.

The emotional impact of caring for someone with cancer

Carers experience their own complex grief process. They mourn the life they had planned, the future that suddenly feels uncertain, and sometimes the gradual loss of the person they're caring for. They celebrate small victories – a positive scan result, a day without nausea, a moment of laughter – while simultaneously preparing themselves for potential setbacks.

Many carers report feeling guilty about their own needs and emotions. They wonder if they're doing enough, if they're strong enough, if they have the right to feel sad or frustrated when they're not the one with cancer.

This emotional burden can be overwhelming. Yet it's often carried in silence to avoid adding stress to their loved one's already heavy load.

The practical challenges of being a cancer carer

Beyond the emotional aspects, carers face significant practical challenges. Many reduce their working hours or leave employment entirely to provide care, creating financial difficulties at a time when additional expenses are mounting.

They navigate complex NHS pathways, coordinate with multiple healthcare professionals, and manage treatment protocols,  all while trying to maintain their own health and relationships.

The logistics alone can be staggering: coordinating appointments across different hospital departments, maintaining medication schedules, managing side effects, ensuring proper nutrition and handling countless administrative tasks that serious illness generates. And at the same time they try to preserve some sense of normality and hope for their loved one and their wider family.

Support for cancer carers

One of the most powerful aspects of the caring experience is the unexpected community that often emerges. In hospital waiting rooms, support groups, and online forums, cancer carers find others who truly understand their journey. These connections not only provide practical advice, but also validation and the reassurance that they're not alone in their struggles.

Simple gestures from friends and extended family can make enormous differences: offering to sit with the patient whilst the carer runs errands; bringing a meal; helping with household tasks; or simply checking in regularly to see how the carer is managing.

Many carers discover reserves of strength they never knew they possessed. They become medical advocates, finding their voice in healthcare settings. They develop organisational skills that would impress any project manager. They learn to find joy in small moments and to appreciate life in ways they never had before.

Self-care for cancer carers

Many of us will have heard the airline safety instruction: "put on your own oxygen mask first".  And while this may make sense, one of the most challenging aspects of caring is remembering to care for yourself.

As the saying goes, you can't pour from an empty cup, and maintaining your own physical and emotional health isn't selfish; it's essential for providing the best care possible.

Self-care for cancer carers comes in many guises. It might look like:

• maintaining personal interests or hobbies
• accepting help from others
• taking a walk outside
• engaging with support groups
• seeking counselling

It means recognising that having difficult emotions doesn't make you weak, and that asking for help doesn't make you inadequate!

Standing up for cancer carers

This Stand Up To Cancer Day, let's expand our recognition to include the millions of carers who are standing alongside their loved ones.

As we continue to stand up to cancer through research, fundraising, and awareness, let's also commit to standing up for carers.

Let's create support systems that recognise their needs, provide practical assistance, and acknowledge their crucial role.  Because when we support carers, we strengthen the entire network of care that surrounds cancer patients. We create a community where love, support, and hope can flourish and where no one goes through this alone.

To every cancer carer reading this: your efforts matter more than you know.

Your presence provides comfort that no medicine can offer.

Your advocacy ensures your loved one receives the best possible care.

Your love creates a foundation of hope and strength that makes the unbearable bearable.

Your sacrifices, strength, unwavering commitment, and love deserve our admiration, support, and acknowledgment .

Where cancer carers can find support

If you're struggling as a carer, remember that support is available. Your GP can refer you to local services, and many areas have carer support groups. You are entitled to a carers assessment. Both the local authority and the NHS provides information about carer assessments, which can help identify what support you might be entitled to.

Don't hesitate to speak up about your own needs; caring for yourself isn't selfish, it's necessary.

If you're a carer who needs support, resources are available through

• Macmillan Cancer Support
• Carers UK
• Cancer Research UK
• your local council's adult social care services.

You don't have to navigate this journey alone.

If caring for someone with cancer is taking its toll

If you're finding caring difficult, or you're struggling with worry, exhaustion, guilt or the constant pressure of trying to hold everything together, counselling can give you somewhere to talk about what you're going through, without having to put someone else's needs first.

I offer counselling for unpaid carers in Worthing, providing a space where you can be heard, supported and understood.

If you'd like to talk about whether counselling could help, you can arrange a free 30-minute initial consultation.