Christmas is not a day off for carers. And if you’re reading this feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, or wondering how you’ll get through another festive season — I’m here for you.

There’s a particular kind of loneliness that can come with being a carer at Christmas.

While much of the world seems to down tools, pull on festive jumpers, and sink into the sofa with a glass of something, you’re still there. Still caring. Still managing medication. Still keeping routines steady. Still keeping an eye on appointments. These, and the hundred invisible tasks that don’t pause for tinsel and turkey.

The Reality Behind the Fairy Lights

The glossy adverts that fill our screens from early November show laughing families gathered round perfectly laid tables. What they don’t show is the carer who’s been up since 5 in the morning, worrying about rising heating bills, or quietly grieving the traditions they once loved — traditions that the person they care for can no longer cope with.

Research paints a stark picture of what many carers face during the festive period.

• Nearly half of carers (49%) say Christmas makes them feel lonelier than any other time of year.
• 45% are deeply worried about the extra costs Christmas brings.
• Two-thirds (68%) have gone without support all year — and Christmas will be no different.

But these aren’t just statistics. This is the reality for thousands of people like you — people caring for loved ones with dementia, mental health conditions, physical disabilities, and chronic illness. People who love deeply, give constantly, and often feel invisible.

As a counsellor who’s supported carers for over 20 years,  and as someone who has cared for my own parents and mother-in-law, I understand the particular pain that can come with Christmas when you’re caring for someone.

The Weight of Invisible Labour

What makes Christmas particularly hard for carers is the sheer volume of invisible work. You’re not just planning your own Christmas — you’re adapting everything around someone else’s needs, maintaining routines that keep them stable, anticipating potential crises, and somehow trying to create a sense of occasion while navigating limited services and depleted energy.

There’s no annual leave. No staff party. No switching off your phone and forgetting about work. Caring responsibilities continue — and often intensify — while support structures disappear behind 'Closed for Christmas' signs.

When the Pressure Becomes Unbearable

For many, the financial strain is real. When neither you nor the person you care for can work full-time, money is tight. There’s unspoken pressure that love should be demonstrated through expensive presents, and not being able to provide them can make you feel like a failure.

For those caring for someone with mental health difficulties, the pressure to appear festive can become overwhelming. Feelings of guilt creep in:  guilt for not doing it all, guilt for struggling when you’re supposed to feel joyful, guilt for feeling resentful when you know you shouldn’t.

But it’s the emotional toll that cuts deepest. Christmas is meant to be cheerful. Its a time to be sociable, with parties and big family meals. Yet when you’re exhausted from the daily demands of caring, or when your loved one is struggling, that festive feeling can seem out of reach. And the result is often a shared sense of isolation that no amount of fairy lights can brighten.

Then there are family gatherings themselves. Not everyone understands what it’s like to be a carer or to live with a health condition. Well-meaning relatives may offer advice that feels more like criticism than support. You can find yourself explaining, justifying, or simply staying silent — feeling utterly alone in a room full of people.

And unlike everyone else, carers don’t get a break at Christmas. While others are relaxing, you can’t simply put down your responsibilities. It can feel even tougher when services reduce their hours or close entirely, leaving you with even less support at a time when everything feels more intense.

Finding Your Way Through

Over the years, I’ve learnt - both professionally and personally - that less can often be more. Christmas doesn’t have to be perfect; it just needs to fit the lives of you and your loved ones.

If you’re caring for someone this Christmas, here are some gentle suggestions that might help:

1. Plan Ahead for Practicalities
   Check which services will be available over the holidays, and who you can contact in a crisis. Confirm pharmacy and GP opening times. Make sure you have enough medication to see you through. Having a clear plan can ease anxiety — even if you never need to use it.
2. Keep Things Beautifully Simple
   Christmas doesn’t have to be stressful to be meaningful. If you haven’t made the traditional Christmas pudding this year, does it really matter? Simplify meals with pre-prepared food or a takeaway. Focus on comfort and connection: watch a favourite film, go for a winter walk, or simply sit together with a cup of tea.
3. Be Honest About Money
   If money is tight, have open conversations with family about realistic budgets. Suggest a Secret Santa or a limit that everyone sticks to, so you don’t feel the odd one out. Handwritten letters, homemade gifts, or small acts of thoughtfulness often mean far more than expensive presents.
4. Set and Keep Boundaries
   Decide in advance what will make visits manageable. Communicate clearly and hold firm. You’re not being difficult — you’re being realistic. Prioritising your wellbeing helps everyone in the long run.
5. Give Yourself Permission to Say No
   It’s perfectly fine to decline invitations if they feel overwhelming. Protecting your wellbeing now means you’ll be better able to care — for your loved one and for yourself — in the long run.
6. Ask for Help — Even When It Feels Hard
   Friends, neighbours, and relatives often want to help but don’t know how. Be specific about what would make a difference — let them know of any activities you'd like to be involved in, and how they can support you; ask for them to spend an hour with your loved one; see f thye might drop the parcels off at the Post Office. Small acts can ease a heavy load.
7. Protect Moments for Yourself
   Even brief moments matter. Connect with other carers online, call a helpline, or spend ten quiet minutes doing something just for you. These small breaks help sustain your emotional energy.

You’re Not Alone

If you’re really struggling this Christmas, please know that help is available:

• Samaritans – open 24/7 on 116 123 or visit samaritans.org
• Shout – text SHOUT to 85258 for free, confidential support any time
• Mind Infoline – call 0300 123 3393 for mental health information and local services
• Your local carers’ organisation may also offer helplines, online communities, or emergency support.
• NHS 111 service mental health support

A Final Thought

You’re doing something extraordinary. Even on the days it doesn’t feel like it. Even when no one sees. Even when Christmas feels impossible. And remember, Christmas will come and go. The decorations will come down, normal routines will resume, and you’ll still be there, caring, managing, and holding it all together.

You matter. Your wellbeing matters. And as we face into the New Year, perhaps this year you can allow yourself one small act of kindness: give yourself the same compassion you so freely give to others.

If you’re struggling, it doesn’t mean that you’ve failed, that you’re not good enough, or that you’re 'broken' and need fixing. You deserve support — not just at Christmas, but all year round. You deserve to be heard. To have space to process the grief, anger, guilt, and exhaustion that often come with caring for someone you love.

An Invitation

After two decades of working with carers, I know one of the most powerful things you can experience is being truly heard — not judged, not fixed, but genuinely understood.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, isolated, or simply exhausted from holding everything together, I’d like to offer you that.

At Caring Counselling Worthing, I provide professional counselling specifically for people in caring roles. Counselling is about having someone in your corner who truly gets it — who won’t minimise your experience. If you’d like to explore how counselling might support you — whether you’re struggling this Christmas or with the ongoing weight of caring — please reach out. You can find out more and get in touch at Caring Counselling Worthing.

Sometimes the most caring thing you can do is to allow yourself to be cared for, too.