Caring for Someone Who Is Suicidal: What World Suicide Prevention Day Can Bring Up

Pat's story

Pat's son was talented, exceptionally so. But he also isolated himself and frequently expressed suicidal thoughts. 

Pat felt very guilty that he had contacted the police and asked them to take his son to hospital. But this was after his son had sent a text to his mother saying he felt suicidal and then hid himself in the garden shed, where he had access to all sorts of ropes and cables. And Pat felt that whatever he did for his son, it was just never enough. Every day, as he returned home from work, his hands shook as he put the key in the door, worried about what he might find.

It was only when the stress took its toll on Pat's own health and he was forced to take time off work that he finally sought the help he needed for himself.

This kind of caregiving requires tremendous support. The feelings involved are often complex and overwhelming.

Why today can feel especially hard for carers

According to a quote attributed to American media personality, writer, and film producer Phil Donahue:

 "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem"

Today is World Suicide Prevention Day, and the heightened focus and increased media coverage on suicide prevention can feel emotionally intense for those carers living with someone who is suicidal.

Some carers might experience increased anxiety about their loved one's wellbeing, or feel additional pressure to be vigilant. Others might be prompted to confront difficult emotions about their own mental health struggles that they've been managing while focused on their caring role and responsibilities.

If the increased awareness around suicide prevention feels harder than ever, that's understandable.

The hidden weight unpaid carers carry caring for someone suicidal

Carers often feel like they're carrying an enormous burden, one that never lifts. They may blame themselves for not being able to 'fix' the situation or worry they're somehow making things worse.

• Constant anxiety and hyper vigilance - Do you feel always on edge about what might happen when you're not there? Or even when you are? Many carers describe living in a state of perpetual worry. Sleep and relaxation becomes incredibly difficult when you're mentally 'always on'.
• Emotional exhaustion - Do you feel drained by the weight of responsibility for keeping someone alive, day after day? Supporting someone who feels suicidal can be really draining. And there's no right or wrong way to feel.
• Guilt and self-doubt - Do you find you're asking yourself: "Am I doing enough?" or "What if I say the wrong thing?" It is quite common to feel uncertain about what to say or how to help.
• Resentment and then guilt about the resentment - Do you feel frustrated or overwhelmed by the constant crises? It's natural, but it often leads to guilt for having those feelings. And carers can find themselves locked in this vicious circle.
• Isolation - Do you feel lonely? Some carers worry about the stigma of mental health and suicide. And the situation can feel too heavy or frightening to share with others. Others feel friends and family won't understand the daily reality they're living with.
• Grief and helplessness - Do you feel that sadness never leaves you? Watching someone you love struggle with wanting to die brings its own form of grief. The feeling of being unable to take away their pain can be agonising.
• Physical symptoms - Do you suffer from frequent headaches, stomach problems, muscle tension, or other physical issues? These are all physical manifestations of stress.

Your mental health matters too

Carers' own mental health matters too, not just the wellbeing of those they're caring for.

If today feels too much, that's okay. Take it one hour at a time.

And remember: you're enough, exactly as you are. You don't have to navigate this alone.

You don't have to do this alone

Asking for help doesn't mean you're failing; it means you're human.

Professional counselling, carer support groups, and respite care aren't luxuries in these situations; they're essential for a carer's own survival and ability to continue providing care.

There are organisations that understand what you're carrying.

• Rethink Mental Illness is a peer-led support group for the carers, family members and friends of people with lived experience of mental illness
• Carers Support West Sussex, a partner of Carers UK , offers advice and support for anyone in a caring role.
• Samaritans are there day or night, for you as much as for your loved one.
• CALM  runs a helpline and web chat specifically for anyone affected by suicide or suicidal thoughts.
• Mind's website has resources aimed at carers navigating exactly this kind of situation
• West Sussex Wellbeing website includes help if you are thinking about suicide or worried about someone who might be

Where can unpaid carers get support in Worthing?

If you're caring for someone who is suicidal, you don't need to wait until things feel unmanageable before seeking support.

Whether it's guilt, exhaustion, or the isolation of not knowing who to talk to, these feelings are a common and understandable response to caring for someone in this situation, and support is available for you too, not just for your loved one. I offer counselling for carers in Worthing; you're welcome to get in touch at Caring Counselling Worthing