Carers provide support in a variety of ways and to a wide range of people. They might be helping elderly relatives, caring for disabled children, or supporting partners with mental health challenges.
With people living longer and having children later, the number of people who are caring for both older and younger family members at the same time is rising. Often, they don’t even realise they’re carers, simply thinking, “I’m just looking after my family”.
These 'sandwich carers' face unique and often relentless demands. They're juggling a million things at once: doing housework and food shopping for multiple households; arranging medical appointments and handling medication; navigating the school run, going to school plays and meetings with teachers.
Many are women, and many are also working.
It’s a lot, and life can start to feel like a constant loop of ‘just one more thing’.
Alongside the practical demands, many sandwich carers carry an emotional weight that often goes unseen.
Some carers also find themselves coping with a quieter kind of grief – watching a parent’s health decline while still showing up for everyday family life. Holding both of these realities at once can be exhausting.
If you are in this position, you may feel pulled in two directions – between your children and your parents – trying to meet very different needs at the same time. And there isn’t always a clear 'right' choice, only the best decision you can make in that moment.
That can bring doubt.
It can bring guilt.
This leads to sleepless nights, shorter tempers, and unanswered messages.
No wonder they’re exhausted! And it can feel incredibly lonely.
Why I’m Talking About Sandwich Carers This Stress Awareness Month
While all unpaid carers may experience stress, anxiety, guilt, or burnout, sandwich carers carry an added layer: balancing the needs of both dependent children and ageing relatives, often with complex medical, cognitive, or emotional needs. Often, their own needs are the first thing to go.
This is why I’m focusing on sandwich carers this Stress Awareness Month.
Because while we’re surrounded by mindfulness mugs, yoga memes, and wellness apps, many of us are still not that great at actually managing stress.
What Does Stress Really Look Like?
Stress is something we all experience. It can show up in everyday pressures, unexpected challenges, and even positive life changes.
But even the most resilient people can feel overwhelmed when stress builds over time.
And here’s the thing: too much stress doesn’t always look obvious. Sometimes it shows up as:
- a shorter fuse
- restless or broken sleep
- difficulties in making decisions
- struggling to fully relax.
What Drives Everyday Stress?
Stress often creeps in slowly – through daily pressure, uncertainty, and that very human habit of just pushing on through.
Sometimes you know something feels 'off', but you can’t quite name it.
You might recognise some of these.
🔍 Feeling overwhelmed by expectations
🔍 Lacking support or feeling misunderstood
🔍 Family tensions at home
🔍 Workplace pressure or office politics
🔍 Constant deadlines
Stress isn’t just about you. It’s also about how life is set up around you. And that’s when it becomes hardest to know what to do next.
Does Managing Stress Actually Help?
In short: yes, it really does.
We may not be able to remove stress completely. But we can learn to respond to it differently.
And small changes matter.
- Your mind is powerful.
- Your actions make a difference.
- Your connections matter.
Simple, Practical Ways to Manage Stress
🧩 Notice the Stress First
Stress isn’t something you just have to live with. It’s like a little alarm that gently reminds you to pay attention to what needs your attention.
The first step is recognising it.
Sometimes it’s as simple as pausing and asking: “How am I actually feeling right now?”
When we’re aware of our emotions, we have the power to make choices and to do things differently.
🧩 Take Small Steps to Feel More in Control
When everything feels overwhelming, big changes can feel impossible.
But remember, small steps can make a big difference.
Take a moment, reset, and respond differently in the moment. These are often the things that start to change how we feel.
🧩 Build Your Confidence (Self-Efficacy)
When you start to believe “I can handle this”, stress begins to feel more manageable.
This isn’t about pretending everything is fine.
It’s about building trust in yourself through:
- small wins
- realistic actions
- recognising what is within your control
🧩 Change Starts Small
Change doesn’t have to be dramatic. It’s not about being perfect.
It might look like:
- delegating one task
- saying no to something that stretches you too thin
- choosing rest instead of pushing through
It’s about being realistic and kind to yourself.
Small Actions That Can Make a Big Difference
1. Name Your 'Moles'
Do you remember the old whack-a-mole game? You can apply the same rules to what you are doing.
What are the 2–3 biggest demands popping up right now?
Identify them and then decide:
- what can you whack (tackle)?
- what can you park (delay)?
- what can you pass (delegate or ask for help with)?
2. Protect Your Pause
Choose one small daily habit that supports you. And make time for it.
For example:
- five minutes of doing nothing
- a short walk outside
- a quiet moment to reflect
- gentle movement or stretching
- a proper, home-cooked meal.
This isn’t a luxury. It’s maintenance.
3. Talk Before You Break
You don’t have to carry everything alone.
Reaching out might look like:
- messaging a friend
- speaking to a colleague
- being honest with your manager
- joining a face-to-face or online support group.
Being open isn’t a weakness. It’s self-care.
Once You’ve Started – Build on It
1. Keep It Going
Did you know that it only takes about 30 days to form a lasting habit?
It’s easier to build a new routine when you break it down into small, manageable steps.
So try taking one small action each day. And then maintain it over 30 days.
It might seem like a tiny thing, but over time, you'll notice shifts in your:
- energy
- focus
- emotional resilience.
2. Reframe One Unhelpful Thought
It's natural to feel worried now and again, but our anxious thoughts can sometimes be unhelpful.
But small shifts in thinking can have a powerful impact.
Instead of telling yourself, “I can’t do this anymore”, try saying, “I can take this one step at a time”
3. Prioritise Meaningful Connection
We aren’t made to be alone. Even if, like me, you're more of an introvert, human connection is vitally important.
Connection reduces stress and reminds you that you’re not alone.
Aim for one meaningful interaction each week.
4. Be Present (Even Briefly)
Try checking in with yourself a few times a day.
Paying attention to your thoughts and feelings can help you stay calm, and better able to 'respond' than 'react'. It can also help reduce stress and anxiety, making everyday life a bit easier to handle.
Take a moment to reflect, acknowledge your emotions, thoughts, and physical sensations. You’re not just being self-aware; you’re also building self-compassion and better emotional control.
5. Ask Yourself Better Questions
Understanding how we respond to situations and events helps us recognise problems, identify solutions, and set healthy boundaries.
For example:
- “What can I control today?”
- “What support do I need right now?”
- “What is one helpful next step?”
Reflective questions can help us make better decisions and take the right actions.
6. Share Your Experience
Sometimes, we feel alone in our struggles.
But a single shared experience can open the doors to friendship and understanding.
When you share your story, you help others feel less alone. And sometimes, that ripple effect matters more than you realise.
Setting Boundaries and Asking for Help
You may not be able to meet everyone’s needs all of the time. That doesn’t mean you’re failing: it means you’re human. For many sandwich carers, this is one of the hardest parts.
You may not be used to putting your needs alongside everyone else’s. Or you may not know how to ask for help in a way that feels realistic.
But support doesn’t have to mean big changes. It can start small.
For example:
- “Could you do the school run on Thursdays?”
- “Would you be able to sit with Mum for an hour this week?”
- “I need to finish work on time today – can we move this meeting?”
These are not unreasonable requests. They're ways of making caring more sustainable.
It’s Also About Energy
When you’re caring for multiple people, it’s easy to focus on managing your time. But not all tasks cost the same emotionally.
Some drain you completely. Others feel manageable.
Where possible, try to notice:
- what leaves you feeling depleted
- what feels more manageable
- what leaves you fulfilled
And if you can, balance your week with this in mind.
Managing Work Alongside Caring
If you’re working as well as caring, the pressure can feel even greater.
Did you know that if you’re looking after someone who is elderly or disabled, the law will protect you against direct discrimination or harassment because of your caring responsibilities?
You might not always feel able to speak up. But support may be available.
This could include:
- flexible working arrangements
- adjusted hours
- joining an internal workplace carers group or forum
- or simply being open with your manager about your situation.
You don’t have to carry this silently.
Finding Support Beyond Your Immediate Circle
You don’t have to navigate this alone.
There are organisations that understand the realities of caring and can offer guidance and support, including:
- Carers Trust
- Carers UK
- Carers Support West Sussex
- NHS
You may also be entitled to a carer’s assessment through your local council, which can help identify practical support options.
Final Thoughts: You Matter Too
Stress Awareness Month is a chance to pause and notice what’s really going on in your life.
But awareness alone isn’t enough. Small, meaningful action is where change begins.
Support groups can help you feel understood.
Remember: self-care is not selfish. It’s essential. When you take care of yourself, you’re better able to give your loved one the love and support they need.
You are carrying a lot. You may not be able to meet everyone’s needs all of the time—and that doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re human.
If things feel a bit relentless right now, I’ve created a simple, gentle guide you can download and come back to whenever you need a moment to pause and regroup.
You Don’t Have to Keep Doing This Alone
If you’re reading this and recognising yourself in it, you don’t have to keep managing this on your own.
You deserve support too—not just the people you care for.
If things feel too much, professional support can make a real difference.
Counselling can help you:
- manage stress
- build emotional resilience
- feel more like yourself again.
I offer counselling for carers who are feeling overwhelmed, stretched too thin, or unsure how to keep going without losing themselves in the process.
It’s a space where you can pause, think, and find a way forward that feels more manageable.
👉 You can find out more about counselling here: counselling overview. Or reach out for an informal conversation.