What Does a Counsellor Actually Do?
I got chatting to someone at the bus stop the other day, and I was asked what I do for a living. I told them I was a counsellor and they responded, “So you just sit in a chair listening to people talk about their problems all day?”
Is that what you might have said, if I were talking to you? I get this response more often than you might think.
And yes, I do spend a lot of time sitting and listening. But, I’m not listening to answer: I’m listening to understand. And there’s a world of difference between the two.
What's Listening to a Client Like?
I listen to understand who the person sitting with me really is – not who I think they should be, or who the world expects them to be.
When I’m with a client, I’m setting my own judgments to one side so I can really hear what’s being said. I’m tuning into the tone and rhythm of their voice – how it changes, what it reveals. And I’m watching their body language, noticing how their posture shifts, or where they look when certain topics come up.
Sometimes it can almost seem like I'm hearing different voices emerge from the same person. I might hear their confident professional voice, the voice of a vulnerable child, or of their critical 'inner parent'. Each one tells me something important about how they feel and how they see themselves.
I only speak when it adds something meaningful to our conversation. I hold onto what I hear so I can reflect it back, gently, to see what resonates and to help them listen to their own words, to notice what those words might be trying to say.
I ask questions, not because I’m nosy, but because they can help my clients discover what’s really going on underneath their words.
I use silence because people surprise themselves with what comes out when they’re given the space to think out loud.
I work to empathise deeply – to feel something of what they’re feeling without being carried away by it. And over time, I help them thread their story together, spotting patterns, connections and moments of realisation.
So yes, I may be sitting in a chair listening. But I’m listening with all my senses, my full attention, and my whole heart.
What to Expect from Counselling
If you’ve never been to counselling before, it’s normal to feel nervous. You might worry about what to say, or whether you’ll 'do it right.' But the truth is – there’s no right or wrong way to start.
The first session is really about getting to know each other. You can share as much or as little as feels comfortable. You can ask questions, take your time, even say “I don’t know where to start.” That’s all okay.
Essentially, as counselling sessions progress, it’s about building understanding – and through that understanding, finding your own way forward.
What Counselling Isn’t
Sometimes life feels tough. Counselling isn’t about being 'broken' or 'weak'. It’s about being human.
Counselling isn’t about being judged or analysed. Nor is it about being given advice or told what to do.
Counselling isn’t about giving advice or fixing you. It’s about creating a space where you can slow down and make sense of what’s happening for you.
At the Heart of It All
At its best, counselling is a relationship. Not in the sense of a friendship, but a relationship that's created through a shared feeling of trust, respect, honesty and genuine care,
You bring your story; I bring my presence, curiosity and care. Together, we work to understand what’s going on beneath the surface and help you reconnect with your own strength and sense of self.
And often, what begins as a conversation about 'problems' or 'issues' becomes something deeper – a journey toward self-acceptance, healing, and clarity.
And having a safe, confidential space to talk can make all the difference.
If You’re Thinking About Starting Counselling
You don’t need to have everything figured out before you begin. You just need a willingness to show up and see what unfolds.
If you’re ready to start exploring how counselling could help, please get in touch.
You can find out more at: https://caringcounsellingworthing.co.uk